: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well most of my day revolves around power hour
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
