Screwed.edu
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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