so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
