I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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