I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
