member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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