dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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