and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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