Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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