new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
