I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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