I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
