Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
