had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
