I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Life is so much better after having sex.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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