It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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