I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well I just put wine in my tea
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
