Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
