I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
