Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
