I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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