lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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