he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
