she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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