We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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