I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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