So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
