Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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