what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
