I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
