I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
