also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
