So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
