this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
