Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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