Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
