he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
