Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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