I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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