Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
