that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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