i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
