I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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