I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
