Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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