Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
