my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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