Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
