I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize