Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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