Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
