I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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