I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
