One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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