why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
