just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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