she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She said her name was "party"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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