I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Someone came in the potted fern
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
