was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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