I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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