it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
