put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
