I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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