is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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