i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
zippers are such a cool invention
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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