She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
