I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
